Have you ever noticed how a childhood saying or a passing comment shaped your beliefs in ways you did not expect – almost as if you built a whole theology around it? Growing up, if we wanted to go to the store with my mom the rule was “You’re not allowed to ask for anything.” This was not a suggestion, she meant it. That was just the way things were and honestly, I did not think much of it until about a year and a half ago when the Holy Spirit brought it back to my remembrance.
It was a Saturday, and I was getting ready to drive to Houston for a conference. Before leaving, I asked the Holy Spirit what He wanted me to know before I left. It started off with Him telling me to have fun, enjoy my friend’s company and such but then He gave me a vision. In the vision I saw a large store-front window displayed with dolls. Outside the window, looking in, was a little girl who looked defeated.
In that moment, I heard the Holy Spirit say “I saw the little girl who always looked through the store window but knew not to ask because they weren’t for her. I am saying ASK. All that I am is for you. All that you desire is for you. Ask and receive, just ask. I am the good Father. Just ask. I am not mediocre. I am not bare minimum. I am not in survival mode.”
He then reminded me of the scripture in Esther chapter 5 where the King asks Esther “What is your request? Even up to half the kingdom it will be given you.” Then I heard Holy Spirit say “I have overflow upon overflow. You will never ask for more than I have. You cannot even fathom what I have that you have access to, not yet.” You would think that would have motivated me to start asking but I still struggled.
A few years ago, the Lord directed me to move to a new city. It all started with a dream of a city that I had not heard of and ended with a new zip code. Shortly after I moved, my job ended. No big deal, right. Well, then the He told me to take a job at 1/3 of my previous pay. After about 9 months of asking Him if I could look for a new job or ask for a raise and being told no, I was feeling quite overwhelmed. I went for a drive and looking out the passenger window I saw an apartment complex. In my frustration, I yelled “Why not an apartment? I didn’t need a house! I didn’t need the added stress of managing a home and a mortgage. An apartment would have cost less and maintenance would do everything. I would have still been obedient and moved. Why did it have to be a house!?” His response threw me off.
I heard Him say “you asked.” I quickly told Him that I most assuredly did not. Then He told me “Daughter, did you not ask for your dogs to have a back yard and a dog door for their later years? I gave you this because it was the one thing that you asked me for.” I started to cry. Yes, I had asked for that. He heard me. I cannot tell you what a blessing that dog door has been. I am so thankful that I asked and that He heard me. I also found myself wondering what other blessing I missed out on because I did not ask.
I’ve often hesitated to ask God for personal blessings, believing contentment meant accepting whatever came my way. But in doing this, am I selling God short? I just asked Google for a synonym of selling short and what it said shocked me. In light of that, let me ask that question a few other ways. In failing to ask God for things am I:
Underestimating God?
Not seeing His full potential?
Failing to recognize His true worth?
Diminishing His abilities?
Undervaluing Him?
Not giving Him enough credit?
Failing to appreciate His true capabilities?
Limiting my perspective of him?
Misjudging His capacity?
Overlooking His strengths?
Reducing him to less than He is?
Not acknowledging His multifaceted nature?
Failing to grasp the depth of His character and talent?
As I was contemplating this the Holy Spirit reminded me that it’s all about relationship. So, I set off to look at some scriptures with “instructions” about asking and then see what that looked like when put in context of a relationship with a father who agapes us. The definition of agape being “A love that is not Transitional because it is rooted in the very nature and character of God Himself. It is unconditional (not based on feelings or circumstances), self-giving and self-sacrificial, covenantal (tied to promises not moods), rooted in will and action (not emotion.)” Let’s see if any of these “instructions” are inconsistent in the context of an agape relationship? Let’s unpack each one:
1. Asking with faith and without doubting (James 1:6)
Relationally: This isn’t about performance, but trust. In any loving relationship, trust is essential. If a child constantly doubts their parent’s word, the relationship is strained. God wants us to believe He is good and that He keeps His promises (Hebrews11:6).
2. Asking according to God’s will. (1 John 5:14)
Relationally: This isn’t control—it’s alignment. In love, we don’t just ask for what benefits us; we care what the other person desires. Agape love is selfless, and seeking God’s will is trusting that He knows best (f you think about it, it’s pretty great to get to be in relationship with someone who knows the future and has Heaven’s perspective.) It’s also how Jesus prayed: “Not My will, but Yours be done.”
3. Asking in Jesus’ name (His authority, righteousness, and finished work) (John 14:13)
Relationally: This is not formulaic—it’s about identity and relationship. Jesus is our mediator (1 Timothy 2:5). Just as a child uses a parent’s last name to represent the family, we come in Jesus’ merit, not our own. It reflects humility, belonging, and shared purpose.
4. Asking with pure motives (James 4:3)
Relationally: A loving Father isn’t a vending machine. Purity of motive reflects mutual care and honesty in relationship. If a friend only calls you to get something, that’s not love—it’s use. God welcomes requests, but He desires honesty and heart alignment. It’s about genuine connection, not manipulation.
5. Abiding in Christ and His word (John 15:7)
Relationally: You can’t be distant and disengaged from someone and expect intimacy. Abiding means ongoing relationship, not transactional prayer. Love remains. Agape stays. The ultimate goal being – He answers “yes” when you question if something was your desire or His. The more we abide, the more our desires align with His.
6. Be persistent-always praying (Luke 18:1, 1 T-essalonians 5:17)
Relationally: Persistence in a love relationship is not nagging—it’s relational trust. Children ask repeatedly because they believe their parent is listening. Jesus praises the widow’s persistence as a model of faith. Agape doesn’t give up.
7. Give thanks (1 Thessalonians 5:18, Philippians 4:6)
Relationally: Gratitude is a natural expression of love and acknowledgment. Thankfulness nurtures intimacy. It shows we recognize the giver, not just the gift. Like a child asking for water, we can say thank you before what we ask for is given. Why? Because we know and trust His character.
8. Be prepared to receive God’s good gifts “good things” (Matthew 7:11)
Relationally: This is expectant hope—believing your loving Father delights to bless you. Being open to receive isn’t entitlement; it’s trust in the heart of the giver.
I find none of these instructions are out of character. Each one reflects what a healthy, trust-filled, mutually honoring relationship looks like between a child and a loving Father, especially one built on agape – sacrificial, covenantal, enduring love. None of these conditions are legalistic hoops to jump through. Instead, they are natural postures of a heart in loving relationship with God. They only feel “out of place” if we think of prayer as a transaction instead of a relationship. In agape, God doesn’t demand these things to withhold—He invites them to draw us closer, to align our hearts with His, and to help us live in the joy of communion with Him.
Throughout my life, I’ve hesitated to ask God for personal blessings, fearing it might reflect discontentment or selfishness. But in doing so, I now realize I have been underestimating God’s goodness, power, and desire to be intimately involved in my life. Scripture provides clear guidance on how to ask: with faith, pure motives, persistence, and a heart aligned with God’s will. Far from being legalistic, these instructions reflect the natural expressions of an agape relationship—a covenantal, unconditional love rooted in God’s unchanging nature. Just as a trusting child brings requests to a loving parent, God invites us to ask boldly, not because He needs our petitions, but because He desires relationship. Each Biblical instruction is not a barrier but a doorway into deeper communion, reminding us that prayer isn’t transactional—it’s relational. Asking in this context isn’t diminishing God; it’s honoring Him, trusting Him, and allowing His love to shape our desires.
Father, We thank you for revealing these truths. Thank you for your constant pursuit of our hearts. Thank you for your Holy Spirit who teaches us all things. We ask you to forgive us for the times that we undervalued you. We ask that you help us to better understands all that encompasses an agape relationship with you, our good, good Father.